resolutions for 2009

I never make New Year resolutions. But what the heck, it is slow at work...

Travel - namely get to the West Coast in 2009. I was hoping to get to Seattle for a conference last year, but my effort was thwarted. I also want to visit friends in San Francisco and So Cal.

New job - yeah - I spent all of 2008 applying for jobs and I have four open applications right now - just hoping to hear from any and all of them.

Socialize - go out with friends more. I either have band rehearsals or meetings or I'm at home. I'd like to go out w/ friends more.

Self-improvement - be a better friend, brother, uncle and partner. Listen more. be more generous. be quiet. Pray.

My grandmother - Anna Carroll

I was fortunate enough to know all four of my grandparents. And though I never met my great-grandparents I feel as though I know them through the family stories.

Anna Lawyer Carroll - my mother's mother was born in January 1891. Her father was stern yet loved her and doted on her. As she grew up she learned to play the piano and organ and eventually taught piano lessons. She could sight-read piano music very well and for many years she played piano for the silent movies for $.25 a night. If a vaudeville troupe came into town and needed an accompanist she'd get paid $.50 for the show. That was big money she said!

I learned to read music and play the piano from Nana. The book she used was John Thompson's Teaching Little Fingers to Play. My lessons were never scheduled. Since we lived in the same household with my grandparents I would get a lesson or practice catch-as-catch-can.

In addition to the music lessons - and hearing the piano lessons of so many kids over the years I also helped my grandmother with cleaning and baking.

At Christmastime she would always bake a couple of fruitcakes. Not the usual awful kind. She would start with an applesauce cake recipe and then add about half the candied fruits and nuts that the recipe called for. Oh yeah and she'd sprinkle whiskey on the cake and then wrap it in a linen towel and sprinkle that with whiskey. All the cakes and cookies would be stored in the pantry.

In addition to the cakes there would also be fruit cookies, tole-house cookies, scotch cookies and sometimes chocolate cookies. I had such fun helping out in the kitchen - blending the butter and brown sugar. David, if you eat all the brown sugar and butter we won't have any for the cookies! I was also in charge of putting the cookies in the oven and rotating them. I also had the task of tasting them!!

I treasure all those memories and the recipes too!

thinking about Christmas

It is Christmas time and I'm getting nostalgic. I was driving somewhere the other day and I had the radio tuned to a station that is playing non-stop holiday tunes. Yes some are awful and some are cheesy. But it got me to thinking about a time in my life when all those songs were new to me.

I thought about grade school chorus and learning "I'll have a blue Christmas without you". Mrs. Smallwood told us that it is without you, not withou chew.

In fourth grade I sang a solo of "Christmas in Killarney". My teacher, Mrs. Allemong introduced with her slightly country accent - Even in far away Arland people are celebrating Christmas. I wore a bright red shirt and my mother fashioned a big green bow. There's a line in the song How grand it feels to click your heels and join in the fun of the jigs and reels. I was supposed to click my heels when I sang that line. I was so nervous I forgot to move. Oh the poor parents and teachers who had to endure those programs every year!

It wasn't so bad - as a result of my star turn there I was invited to dress as a leprechaun the following March and welcome the pre-school kids who were coming to visit the school for the first time.

There's so much about this time of year that I love. Seeing the holiday decorations go up in my hometown. Making decorations at school. Writing letters to Santa and listening to Santa read the letters on the local radio station. Santa was always preceded by the "Christmas Basket of Music". Santa would then show up and talk about what the elves were doing and the polar bears and the reindeer. He'd talk about Mrs. Claus baking cookies.

Years later I learned that Santa was in reality a friend of the family - my dad's mentor. Mr. Capen would never strike you as the kind of person who would play Santa Claus - but he was wonderful. At some point Mr. Capen was sick and he asked my dad to take over. My dad said the kids would know that he wasn't Santa, so Mr. Capen invented Alvin the Elf who was helping out Santa for a few days. When Mr. Capen died my dad took over the program. He loved it. But the sponsor didn't want Alvin the Elf - he wanted Santa, so my dad became Santa. I think that is why he took to wearing a Santa hat every day from Thanksgiving through New Year.

One aside - my father had an insurance business and he would do his own radio spots for the business. A friend mentioned one day that her son, after hearing the business ad asked his mother, Why is Santa doing ads for the insurance company?

Last Saturday I was painting at home and I had the place to myself and I put the radio on to the station that plays Christmas songs. I heard Bing Crosby sing White Christmas and a bit later I heard Nat King Cole sing The Christmas Song. I thought about so many things and felt happy and sad and hopeful and cheerful and oh so loved by friends and family here and gone.

Thinking about donuts

I'm sitting at work and I'm thinking about donuts. That's not a new thing. I love sweets and I have been working on keeping my weight down - so no donuts except on rare occasions.

But I'm not just thinking about donuts - I'm remembering donuts.

When I was a young teen - wow, that's a long time ago - I went on a trip with my mother. Maybe we were taking my sister some place and all I really remember is the drive back home. It was a sunny, warm day. We were in Keyser, West Virginia. And we stopped at the grocery store because Mother needed to do that.

I don't remember the conversation. I don't remember much details, but I do remember the donuts - raised donuts dusted with sugar granules. They were almost crunchy.

It was a good day. And I'm just sitting here at work remembering a good day.

Catching up on the Blogs

Hey gang,

So I took the time on a verrry quiet Friday morning at work to catch up on my blog reading. Chad's ankle is healing. Matty is lusting after Jesse Metcalfe. (who wouldn't????) And he has some thoughtful posts on his girl Heidi and his friends.

Scott has his usual take on things political and biking. And is mourning the loss of a longtime friend - Ranger. Hell - I cried over my fish dying several years ago - I don't know what I'd do with a dog or a cat!!!!

And then I happened upon Mark Swope's quiet little announcement - Swoper's Ramblings: Tying the Knot. And then I finally got all choked up.

Much love to you all!! Great happiness and continued friendship!

What the obituary leaves out - cont'd

Mother and Dad were married in April 1953 and honeymooned in Washington, DC and then on to Ocean City, Maryland where they managed to get sunburned.

They returned to Berkeley Springs - Mother working at Pennsylvania Glass Sand and Dad for People's Life Insurance. And in no time at all my mother was pregnant. Born just nine months and four days after their wedding, my sister Teresa entered on the scene. Less than 2 years later, my brother Stephen. Less than 2 years later, my brother Patrick, and less than 1 year later - yours truly.

My folks were living in the upstairs of the family home. They considered a move to Charleston, WV for a business opportunity, but their eyes were opened to that and they stayed in Berkeley Springs. They looked at building a house, but that didn't happen either. So we grew up in the same household as my mother's parents.

Living under the same roof as one's grandparents is a great experience. You learn so much. I learned about patience with older people. I learned some manners. I learned to bake cookies and play the piano. I also learned by watching my parents interact with my grandparents.

The biggest challenge was my grandfather who's memory was failing. These days he' likely be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. But in the mid-1960's we just called it going senile. For many years Papa would take us on walks around town. I remember him picking up litter and carrying it until we got to a trash can. I remember stopping in front of the Catholic church and genuflecting as we passed to reverence the Blessed Sacrament.

Eventually his failing mind and his temper got the better of him and he would lash out. I don't remember him ever being cruel, but I do remember my mother having to stand up to him a few times. Even then she was respectful. Over the years the following Bible verse would always bring that to mind.

...take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your strength. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering--it will take lasting root. Sirach 3:12-14

Once I was in school, Mother went back to work, this time as a medical secretary to Dr. Nichols. She loved that work and learned much from him. In addition to providing clerical service she learned much about medicine and was finally able to practice the nursing skills that she wanted to pursue a long time ago.

We grew, survived high school and moved out of the house. During all those years Mother and Dad provided for us with sacrifice and lots and lots of love and support. Dad finally started to slow his work schedule and later retired. He and Mother took a few trips - England, Hawaii, places in West Virginia. And Dad kept getting a bigger boat.

In 2003 we had a big shindig to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary. That was quite the party!!

The last several years before my father died my folks spent their summers on the O'Carroll docked in Ridge, Maryland. I marvelled that after almost 50 years of marriage they still enjoyed spending their days together in a small boat. I visited them there several times.

Dad decided to sell the boat and he died in June, 2006. In the 2 years since then Mother has kept going and keeping busy. She lived to see one great-grandchild. She died on July 22 following surgery and a month of recovery that went very slowly and then not at all. All of us got to see her many times in the hospital and even to the day she died she was still beautiful.

Our family miss both of our parents. We got along with them and enjoyed their company. We shared many stories and jokes and much love. There was never any doubt of that. But how do you fit all that into an obituary?

What the obituary leaves out

Margaret C. McBee, 83
1925-JULY 22, 2008

BERKELEY SPRINGS, W.Va. - Margaret Carroll McBee, 83, of Berkeley Springs, died Tuesday, July 22, 2008, at Winchester (Va.) Medical Center.

Born in 1925, in Greensburg, Pa., she was the daughter of the late Edward F. and Anna M. Carroll.

She was preceded in death by her husband, Carroll Dwan McBee, in 2006. They were married April 11, 1953.

She attended Catholic University.

She was employed as a secretary.

She was a member of St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Berkeley Springs.

She is survived by one daughter, Teresa A. McBee-Massimino of Shepherdstown, W.Va.; three sons, Stephen C. McBee and Patrick M. McBee, both of Berkeley Springs and David E. McBee of Washington D.C.; eight grandchildren; and one great-grandchild.

She was preceded in death by one brother, Edward L. Carroll.

A memorial service will be conducted at a later date.

Memorial donations may be made to St. Vincent de Paul, Building Fund, 24 S. Mercer St., Berkeley Springs, WV 25411.

That was the obituary that ran in the Hagerstown Herald-Mail on July 24, 2008.

It doesn't say millions of things.

Mother actually had two brothers. The first-born died at about five days old following a complicated delivery. He was nursed and cared for in the hospital, but the morning that he died his mother (my grandmother) knew that he was dying and said to the doctor, This is a Catholic baby and he needs to be baptized. A year or so later my Uncle Ned was born in 1925 my mother was born.

My mother and uncle grew up next door to an aunt and uncle and their 4 boys who were like brothers to them as well. So being the only girl in the mix, my mother was in all the rough and tumble with them too. And she'd get into trouble. If they did something wrong - it was she who would have to 'fess up to her mother.

Fortunately Mother made friends with Mary Virginia Banks who lived down the street. They were born just 3 days apart and were like sisters. Mary Virginia is my godmother.

So, while it sounds like a small family - just two kids - it was much more than that. There was also Mary's sister Ruth and their brother Grove Lee, and further down the street was Marian Lee Wash. And the Shockey boys who lived up the hill. And Patty Mongan and Betty Cohill and the list of friends just kept growing.

Mother grew up active in the local parish of St. Vincent de Paul. She was in the very first First Communion class in 1931 and that is where she was married in 1953 to the man who was the love of her life - my dad, Dwan McBee.

But I'm ahead of myself. As a child my mother developed rheumatic fever and was home sick for 4 years. But she recovered and with the help of tutors she managed to get back in school, just 2 years behind her original classmates. And she had a near-miraculous recovery - well to hear my grandmother talk about it.

My mother wanted to be a nurse and went into a nursing program, but after a conflict with one of the teachers she withdrew from the program. She never did get to be a nurse and I think that is something she had some regrets about. But she went to Business school and trained as a secretary. She did some secretarial work in Berkeley Springs, but she ended up moving to Washington, DC and first worked at Pepco.

My Uncle Ned had gone to the Catholic University of America and studied Engineering. He looked after her though Mother was pretty independent. After a year or so she got a job working for the School of Engineering under Dean Anthony J. Scullen.

Among the stories that she would tell of her years there - dances and dates with lots of guys mostly - she talked about the work that she did. She also talked about going to the National Shrine or the Dominican House to go to Mass, pray the Rosary or go to Confession. She also metioned Fr. Fulton J. Sheen and talked about how the students would stand in the hallway outside his classes to listen to his lectures. And Dean Scullen and some friends would make bets on when he would be named Monsignor.

But Mother didn't stay in Washington, DC because her grandmother asked her to come back to Berkeley Springs to be with her mother (my grandmother). And that's what she did. But that's also when she met my father again. They had known each other in school, but Dad was 4 years younger. They met at a community Easter program and started dating. At Christmas they were engaged and married the following April.

More to come...