Emotions are funny things

In February 2011 I joined Weight Watchers and successfully lost about 85 lbs.  I am generally thrilled with the transformation and almost used to the new me - though I do look in the mirror at times and try to remember what I used to look like.

At one point last fall I had two suits altered so they would fit better and I had some pants taken in as well.  My weight loss continued to the point that even those were too big for me.

In April of this year I hit my goal weight and I have been maintaning - holding right around 165 lbs ever since.  I have bought some new clothes but I needed to get some more and replace the shirts etc. that are now too big for me.  Two sizes too big!

During all this time I have also been engaged in a job search.  I am grateful that I have been working all along, but next week I will start with a federal agency - a part of the US Army.  I will be a librarian and working downtown in DC - near Chinatown.  I am very excited to be returning to the federal government with a return to my old salary and benefits.  For the past 10 months I have been working in McLean, VA and my commute has been about 90 minutes each way.  My new commute will be 15-20 minutes - just four stops on the Metro!!  That's like getting two extra hours in the day!!

In the new job I expect that I will be having more meetings and I will be working with military folks who will be in uniform.  So I expect that I will need to step up and wear suits more regularly.  I don't mind dressing up.  In fact, I like it.  But this also means taking steps to renew and replace my wardrobe.

Last evening I went shopping - two suits, four shirts, two belts, two pairs of shoes, plus some socks and ties.  Fortunately there's a good sale but I dropped a lot of money!  Fortunately with the new job I will be able to pay this off in pretty short order and I needed the suits for some other events coming up this fall.

But some how - instead of feeling really excited about the new me and the new wardrobe - I feel a little sad. 

When I got home I started going through the closet and pulling out the shirts, suits and pants that are too big.  And I felt sad.  In one sense I didn't get much use out of the suits that I bought and I really liked them.  I am donating the clothes to a good cause - Yay!  But the workpants are some that George bought me and I really liked them and they were really comfortable.  I feel the same about some of the shirts that I bought or he gave me.  I set some aside in the hopes that my nephew will be able to wear them.

I also sorted through some old shoes - a couple pairs had been my dad's - and some neckties and added them to the bags of clothes to be donated.  And I know I have some other things to add.

It is childish I know to feel sad about this.  I will feel better when I get the new suits and wear them just as I enjoy wearing the other new clothes that I have bought and enjoy the feel of the much smaller clothes.

Emotions are funny - there is some grieving to do - for the old chubby me and for the clothes that I bought and liked.

But this is the year of my makeover - new weight, new job and the same me.  Hopefully I have learned from my past and will strive to be a better person and treat others well.  My goal is to tackle the new job and accomplish some good things there.

I don't think this is my mid-life crisis.  If it is then maybe that means I will live another 54 years, but I'm not sure if that is the best thing either.  But then I've always wanted to make it to 2063 - for the West Virginia Bi-centennial.  Maybe I will.  I hope my retirement fund lasts that long!

The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing

Many years ago on I was driving with my grandmother, Esther McBee.  We were heading from Berkeley Springs, West Virginia south along Route 522 to go to Winchester, Virginia for some shopping.  Along the way threre used to be a grand, lovely old home with tall columns and front porch and a balcony.  There was a stone fence that ran along the front of the property. 

I had always admired the house and I mentioned it to my grandmother.  She said that the house had something to do with the girl in the red velvet swing.  I don't recall the rest of our conversation that day.  Likely we moved on to other topics of mutual interest.

So today in the newspaper I read an item under Crime History, that on June 25, 1906, Harry Kendall Thaw shot and killed architect Stanford White on the roof of Madison Square Garden.  Thaw and White had both been suitors of Evelyn Nesbit.  Despite being the more determined suitor and successful suitor (Nesbit married Thaw), Thaw held a grudge against White.  A few years later Thaw seized his opportunity and killed White.

You can get the basics of the story from Wikipedia.

It was termed the Trial of the Century!  Thaw was cleared by reason of temporary insanity.  Nesbit and Thaw divorced and Thaw eventually settled in a Clearbrook, Virginia in a home called Kenilworth.  That is the house that formerly stood along Route 522.  Miss Nesbit was the Girl in the Red Velvet Swing.

There have been several books written about the people and incidents.  One with the title that was used for the 1955 movie - The Girl in the Red Velvet Swing.  A more recent book is American Eve.

I am going to have to read this - a spark of interest has been ingnited!

Quotes from my ancestors

My family grew up in a sort of extended household. We lived in the same home where my mother and my grandmother had been reared. The house had been made into two apartments and we lived upstairs and my grandparents lived on the main floor. We respected each other's space, but we were back and forth constantly.

We would help our grandmother with chores - especially the fun ones like baking cookies! She taught all of us how to read music and play the piano. Our grandfather would take us for walks all over town.

And my grandmother, Nana, would tell us stories about her childhood and her parents and grandparents and various aunts and uncles. They were some real characters!  I have talked about my great-grandfather, Peter Randolph Lawyer before. Nana was certainly the apple of his eye!

Another prominent figure in the family history was Ma Casler - Anna Matilda Keefer Casler. She was born in the US, her parents had emigrated from Germany. Despite being born in the US, Ma apparently had a lot of German influence in her speech. The only comment from my grandmother was a story of someone stopping to ask directions and Ma instructed him to go down the street and turn the corner 'round. Others who were nearby laughed at Ma's turn of phrase and the upshot was that Ma never gave anyone directions after that.

Ma Casler was married to Jonathan Casler, a tailor and they had six children, one of whom died during a typhoid epidemic in his youth. The five children who survived were Charlie Casler, a grocer; Jonathan Casler, a veteran of the Spanish-American War; Ida May Lawyer, my great-grandmother; Harry Casler, about whom I know very little; and Uncle Howard - George William Howard Casler, about whom I heard many stories!

Before I get ahead of myself - I wanted to mention Ma Casler's sisters. She had four sisters. The oldest was Aunt Caroline Clay. She was born in Germany. There was a brother who was born in Germany but he died en route to America. I was told that he was buried in France. I will need to check Ma Casler's Bible to see if she wrote that down. The rest of the sisters were Margaret Maggie Rockwell, Mary Hillary, and Aunt Emmie - Emma Olivia Keefer.

Aunt Emmie was quite a character! Aunt Emmie was the youngest of the five girls - hard to think of them as girls since all I've ever known of them was photos taken in the adulthood. All of the women were of hearty, German stock - in other words, they were BIG women.

I know a fair amount about Aunt Emmie and will include it at some point. But this is about quotes. Aunt Emmie lived at my family home or at least she was there a whole lot! At one point my great grandfather enclose a back porch and enlarge the dining room. So one evening at dinner Aunt Emmie said to my grandmother, "Well Annie, what do you think? Here I am sitting at the dinner table on the back porch!" Okay - it was funny to hear my grandmother tell it.

2012 - Starting fresh

Happy New Year!!! It is 2012 and despite the predictions I don't expect the world to end. Well, at least not in a big way. Certainly not everyone who woke up on January 1 of this year will be with us a year from now. And sadly there will be some disasters and tragedies - but I don't expect the Second Coming of Christ. Though, truth be told, that wouldn't be a bad thing. God have mercy on us all!

The year in review

2011 was a year full of unexpected events for me. One thing I had planned - a pilgrimage to the Holy Land - came off and was a true delight! I left my government job and endured some employment but I ended the year gainfully employed and hopeful for my future progress. And I made some improvements to my health.

Health

I ended 2010 with a few doctor visits testing and diagnosing a condition of Sleep Apnea. My doctor mentioned that my apnea was pretty mild and that if I were to lose 25-30 lbs. I might not need a CPAP machine at all. So even in December of 2010 I started making an effort to lose weight. I remembered the advice of another doctor - Eat less and exercise more! I did that and was shedding a few pounds. In February of 2011 I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting and found the program to work for me.

I weighed in at that meeting on February 23 at 253.2 lbs. As of my weigh-in on December 29, my weight is 174.8 lbs - a total loss of 78.4 pounds. The program works for me - tracking my food, watching my points, getting in activity and making better choices. I have friends who were successful with Weight Watchers and I was encouraged that it is a program to learn how to make better food choices. I'm eating real food - not buying meals from some company. At this point I am within 5 lbs of my goal weight!! Very excited about that! Commercial over!

This change in my weight has also required some changes in wardrobe. Initially I had my dress pants taken in and that worked for a while. But soon that wasn't enough. So I went shopping and bought several pairs of pants - I'm now wearing a size that I haven't worn since my college days!!

I couldn't have done this so well without the support of my partner George. Whenever Weight Watchers would talk about keeping your food interesting by using spices etc. George was ahead of the game. He is a creative cook and enjoys playing with new recipes and spices. He did have to learn to measure amounts because that is my constant question. How much is this? How many ounces is this?

Pilgrimage

In April of this year I traveled to the Holy Land with a group of men and women, members of the Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem (EOHSJ). We assembled in Philadelphia and flew to Tel Aviv and then took a bus to Jerusalem where we stayed in the Notre Dame Hotel, run by the Legionaries of Christ.

Our first stop was Bethlehem, the birthplace of Jesus and we had Mass in the chapel of St. George. From there we visited Bethlehem University, run by the Christian Brothers and sponsored with monies donated by the EOHSJ. Next a visit to Shepherd Field.

There are three designations for places in the Holy Land - true, strong tradition and traditional.

True spots - the grotto of Bethlehem, Calvary, the Tomb of Christ, the Tomb of Lazarus, the site of the Annunciation, Mount Tabor, Caiaphas' house, the Upper Room - we know these are the actual spots where the event reported in the Bible took place.

Strong tradition -the Hill of the Beatitudes, the church of Dominus Flevit - where Christ wept for Jerusalem and some others - historians, scholars and archeologists agree that this is the likely spot.

Tradition - somewhere in this vicinity - maybe within 500 yards or so - is where the event took place - Shepherds Field in Bethlehem and where Christ taught his disciples the Lord's Prayer on the Mount of Olives. We aren't sure of the precise spot, but we know we are close.

We had a small group and excellent guides. There were some profound moments that touched my soul and brought a deeper understanding of the mystery of God's love for us all. We had a holy hour in the Church of All Nations - built over the spot (True) where Christ endured his Agony in the Garden. We also spent some time in the grove of olive trees where Christ was betrayed.

Another spot where we were able to spend some time in prayer and reflection was the Upper Room. This is the site where Christ and his disciples celebrated the Last Supper and Christ instituted the Holy Eucharist. It is also the place where Jesus appeared to the disciples following his Resurrection. And - about 50 days later, the Holy Spirit descended upon Mary and the Apostles on Pentecost.

Our guide talked about Christ and the Apostles as being a group of friends. I reflected on the friendship of Christ and the call to love others. I prayed for mercy for myself and for others.

Another amazing day was the glorious day we had a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee. I particularly thought about my father. As much as he loved boats and fishing and being on the water, he would have loved thinking about St. Peter, the Fisherman. My dad was so present to me in the time we were on the water that I could see him.

Our last stop on the trip was Nazareth and the Church of the Annunciation. Thanks to my mentor, Fr. Patrick J. Gillooly, I have long had a devotion to this moment in the life of the Virgin Mary and the life of our faith history. When all of God's plan came down to this moment of asking a 14 year old girl if she would be willing to be the mother of the Savior. Fr. Gillooly described how all the angels in Heaven held their breath, waiting to hear what her answer would be. For those who believe, we know that her answer was Yes - May it be done unto me according to your word.

I continue to hold moments from the pilgrimage in my heart and I am thankful that God has been so good to me!

Duties beckon for now - more on my year in review when I get back to the computer!