What the obituary leaves out - cont'd

Mother and Dad were married in April 1953 and honeymooned in Washington, DC and then on to Ocean City, Maryland where they managed to get sunburned.

They returned to Berkeley Springs - Mother working at Pennsylvania Glass Sand and Dad for People's Life Insurance. And in no time at all my mother was pregnant. Born just nine months and four days after their wedding, my sister Teresa entered on the scene. Less than 2 years later, my brother Stephen. Less than 2 years later, my brother Patrick, and less than 1 year later - yours truly.

My folks were living in the upstairs of the family home. They considered a move to Charleston, WV for a business opportunity, but their eyes were opened to that and they stayed in Berkeley Springs. They looked at building a house, but that didn't happen either. So we grew up in the same household as my mother's parents.

Living under the same roof as one's grandparents is a great experience. You learn so much. I learned about patience with older people. I learned some manners. I learned to bake cookies and play the piano. I also learned by watching my parents interact with my grandparents.

The biggest challenge was my grandfather who's memory was failing. These days he' likely be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. But in the mid-1960's we just called it going senile. For many years Papa would take us on walks around town. I remember him picking up litter and carrying it until we got to a trash can. I remember stopping in front of the Catholic church and genuflecting as we passed to reverence the Blessed Sacrament.

Eventually his failing mind and his temper got the better of him and he would lash out. I don't remember him ever being cruel, but I do remember my mother having to stand up to him a few times. Even then she was respectful. Over the years the following Bible verse would always bring that to mind.

...take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your strength. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering--it will take lasting root. Sirach 3:12-14

Once I was in school, Mother went back to work, this time as a medical secretary to Dr. Nichols. She loved that work and learned much from him. In addition to providing clerical service she learned much about medicine and was finally able to practice the nursing skills that she wanted to pursue a long time ago.

We grew, survived high school and moved out of the house. During all those years Mother and Dad provided for us with sacrifice and lots and lots of love and support. Dad finally started to slow his work schedule and later retired. He and Mother took a few trips - England, Hawaii, places in West Virginia. And Dad kept getting a bigger boat.

In 2003 we had a big shindig to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary. That was quite the party!!

The last several years before my father died my folks spent their summers on the O'Carroll docked in Ridge, Maryland. I marvelled that after almost 50 years of marriage they still enjoyed spending their days together in a small boat. I visited them there several times.

Dad decided to sell the boat and he died in June, 2006. In the 2 years since then Mother has kept going and keeping busy. She lived to see one great-grandchild. She died on July 22 following surgery and a month of recovery that went very slowly and then not at all. All of us got to see her many times in the hospital and even to the day she died she was still beautiful.

Our family miss both of our parents. We got along with them and enjoyed their company. We shared many stories and jokes and much love. There was never any doubt of that. But how do you fit all that into an obituary?

What the obituary leaves out

Margaret C. McBee, 83
1925-JULY 22, 2008

BERKELEY SPRINGS, W.Va. - Margaret Carroll McBee, 83, of Berkeley Springs, died Tuesday, July 22, 2008, at Winchester (Va.) Medical Center.

Born in 1925, in Greensburg, Pa., she was the daughter of the late Edward F. and Anna M. Carroll.

She was preceded in death by her husband, Carroll Dwan McBee, in 2006. They were married April 11, 1953.

She attended Catholic University.

She was employed as a secretary.

She was a member of St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church in Berkeley Springs.

She is survived by one daughter, Teresa A. McBee-Massimino of Shepherdstown, W.Va.; three sons, Stephen C. McBee and Patrick M. McBee, both of Berkeley Springs and David E. McBee of Washington D.C.; eight grandchildren; and one great-grandchild.

She was preceded in death by one brother, Edward L. Carroll.

A memorial service will be conducted at a later date.

Memorial donations may be made to St. Vincent de Paul, Building Fund, 24 S. Mercer St., Berkeley Springs, WV 25411.

That was the obituary that ran in the Hagerstown Herald-Mail on July 24, 2008.

It doesn't say millions of things.

Mother actually had two brothers. The first-born died at about five days old following a complicated delivery. He was nursed and cared for in the hospital, but the morning that he died his mother (my grandmother) knew that he was dying and said to the doctor, This is a Catholic baby and he needs to be baptized. A year or so later my Uncle Ned was born in 1925 my mother was born.

My mother and uncle grew up next door to an aunt and uncle and their 4 boys who were like brothers to them as well. So being the only girl in the mix, my mother was in all the rough and tumble with them too. And she'd get into trouble. If they did something wrong - it was she who would have to 'fess up to her mother.

Fortunately Mother made friends with Mary Virginia Banks who lived down the street. They were born just 3 days apart and were like sisters. Mary Virginia is my godmother.

So, while it sounds like a small family - just two kids - it was much more than that. There was also Mary's sister Ruth and their brother Grove Lee, and further down the street was Marian Lee Wash. And the Shockey boys who lived up the hill. And Patty Mongan and Betty Cohill and the list of friends just kept growing.

Mother grew up active in the local parish of St. Vincent de Paul. She was in the very first First Communion class in 1931 and that is where she was married in 1953 to the man who was the love of her life - my dad, Dwan McBee.

But I'm ahead of myself. As a child my mother developed rheumatic fever and was home sick for 4 years. But she recovered and with the help of tutors she managed to get back in school, just 2 years behind her original classmates. And she had a near-miraculous recovery - well to hear my grandmother talk about it.

My mother wanted to be a nurse and went into a nursing program, but after a conflict with one of the teachers she withdrew from the program. She never did get to be a nurse and I think that is something she had some regrets about. But she went to Business school and trained as a secretary. She did some secretarial work in Berkeley Springs, but she ended up moving to Washington, DC and first worked at Pepco.

My Uncle Ned had gone to the Catholic University of America and studied Engineering. He looked after her though Mother was pretty independent. After a year or so she got a job working for the School of Engineering under Dean Anthony J. Scullen.

Among the stories that she would tell of her years there - dances and dates with lots of guys mostly - she talked about the work that she did. She also talked about going to the National Shrine or the Dominican House to go to Mass, pray the Rosary or go to Confession. She also metioned Fr. Fulton J. Sheen and talked about how the students would stand in the hallway outside his classes to listen to his lectures. And Dean Scullen and some friends would make bets on when he would be named Monsignor.

But Mother didn't stay in Washington, DC because her grandmother asked her to come back to Berkeley Springs to be with her mother (my grandmother). And that's what she did. But that's also when she met my father again. They had known each other in school, but Dad was 4 years younger. They met at a community Easter program and started dating. At Christmas they were engaged and married the following April.

More to come...

Getting careless

Oscar Wilde - the Irish playwright, bon vivant and wit is quoted as saying

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

It seems I have grown careless. My mother Margie passed away quietly on Tuesday, July 22 following surgery over a month ago. She rallied somewhat over the month enough to know that we were there with her, but not enough to recover.

Thanks to all for your prayers and support. Thank you Chad for this post from Chaddyschad.

And thank you Matt for this post on your blog.

Requiescat in Pace

- David

Signs of Improvement

Yea! I visited my mom briefly yesterday and she was awake and alert and breathing on her own. At least this gets her away from the edge of the roof and a lot closer to a window to climb back inside!!!

Thanks be to God!

The cat is on the roof

Years ago a beloved priest in my home parish in West Virginia told the following story.

A man named Phil had always worked hard but had never taken even a day's vacation. So friends and family urged him to take a big trip and get away from work. His biggest concern was his cat and who would look after the cat. Phil's brother stepped up to the task and Phil was happily off on a long vacation.

His first day out, Phil called his brother and the first thing he asked about was the cat. The brother replied he was very sorry but the cat had gotten out of the house and ran out into the street and was hit by a car and killed.

Phil was devestated! Once he finally composed himself he told his brother that he really should think about how he gives bad news to people. Since Phil was going to be gone for several weeks the brother could have said something like, "The cat is on the roof." In a day or so you could add "We've had trouble getting the cat down from the roof." In that way I'd know that something was up and at least I'd be a bit prepared for the news.

The brother apologized and said he would work at being more considerate in the future. So Phil then asked about their mother.

After a pause, Phil's brother said "uh, Mom's on the roof."

My family has always liked that joke and it has been helpful at times to ease into bad news. To that end - my mother has been on the roof for about 3 weeks now and doesn't look as though she's climbing back in a window anytime soon.

Patience, grace and prayers are in order.