In February 2011 I joined Weight Watchers and successfully lost about 85 lbs. I am generally thrilled with the transformation and almost used to the new me - though I do look in the mirror at times and try to remember what I used to look like.
At one point last fall I had two suits altered so they would fit better and I had some pants taken in as well. My weight loss continued to the point that even those were too big for me.
In April of this year I hit my goal weight and I have been maintaning - holding right around 165 lbs ever since. I have bought some new clothes but I needed to get some more and replace the shirts etc. that are now too big for me. Two sizes too big!
During all this time I have also been engaged in a job search. I am grateful that I have been working all along, but next week I will start with a federal agency - a part of the US Army. I will be a librarian and working downtown in DC - near Chinatown. I am very excited to be returning to the federal government with a return to my old salary and benefits. For the past 10 months I have been working in McLean, VA and my commute has been about 90 minutes each way. My new commute will be 15-20 minutes - just four stops on the Metro!! That's like getting two extra hours in the day!!
In the new job I expect that I will be having more meetings and I will be working with military folks who will be in uniform. So I expect that I will need to step up and wear suits more regularly. I don't mind dressing up. In fact, I like it. But this also means taking steps to renew and replace my wardrobe.
Last evening I went shopping - two suits, four shirts, two belts, two pairs of shoes, plus some socks and ties. Fortunately there's a good sale but I dropped a lot of money! Fortunately with the new job I will be able to pay this off in pretty short order and I needed the suits for some other events coming up this fall.
But some how - instead of feeling really excited about the new me and the new wardrobe - I feel a little sad.
When I got home I started going through the closet and pulling out the shirts, suits and pants that are too big. And I felt sad. In one sense I didn't get much use out of the suits that I bought and I really liked them. I am donating the clothes to a good cause - Yay! But the workpants are some that George bought me and I really liked them and they were really comfortable. I feel the same about some of the shirts that I bought or he gave me. I set some aside in the hopes that my nephew will be able to wear them.
I also sorted through some old shoes - a couple pairs had been my dad's - and some neckties and added them to the bags of clothes to be donated. And I know I have some other things to add.
It is childish I know to feel sad about this. I will feel better when I get the new suits and wear them just as I enjoy wearing the other new clothes that I have bought and enjoy the feel of the much smaller clothes.
Emotions are funny - there is some grieving to do - for the old chubby me and for the clothes that I bought and liked.
But this is the year of my makeover - new weight, new job and the same me. Hopefully I have learned from my past and will strive to be a better person and treat others well. My goal is to tackle the new job and accomplish some good things there.
I don't think this is my mid-life crisis. If it is then maybe that means I will live another 54 years, but I'm not sure if that is the best thing either. But then I've always wanted to make it to 2063 - for the West Virginia Bi-centennial. Maybe I will. I hope my retirement fund lasts that long!
