Thinking about friends

This morning I got news that a wonderful man I used to work with passed away following some treatment for cancer of the throat.

Larry was a graphic designer at my old agency. He was a quiet man who went about his life and work without ever ruffling anyone's feathers. He was a good friend to many and he was very kind. He was also a good designer. He did some design work for an event for the band I played in.

Larry was gay, and he was quiet about that too.

And I'm thinking about my friend Diana whom I have known for about 23 years. She has cancer in her liver and elsewhere and is now in hospice care. I don't expect her to be around much longer.

Tell your friends how much you love them - now, today!

Profound moments in life

The other day I was thinking about the special moments in my life. I was on my way to work and had been thinking about my dear friend Diana who is quite ill with cancer and I don't know how much longer she'll be around.


We had talked about our vicarious families - the children of friends and colleagues. Diana is an only child so she doesn't have the benefit of nieces and nephews as I do.

But I thought how some people put their wedding as the greatest day of their lives, or the births of children. I don't have that but I have accomplished a few significant moments - graduations, investiture as a Knight of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem.

The most profound moments have been the quiet ones. Like Elijah on the mountaintop - God came in a gentle whisper. For me many of those moments included music. A non-exhaustive list in no particular order:

• holding each of my newborn nieces and nephews
• some moments of prayer
• the Sanctus in the Mozart Requiem
• singing Handel's Messiah
• singing the Mahler 8th Symphony
• performing Ticheli's American Elegy with the Capitol Pride Symphonic Band
• the CPSB trip to Concord, New Hampshire
• a weekend at the Ciskanik summer home in Pennsylvania
• summer-rep theatre at WVU
• the moment as the curtain opened in Oliver! - a show I stage managed my senior year
• baking cookies with Nana
• listening to Ma tell family stories
• sitting atop a mountain in Germany
• standing near the Grotto in Lourdes
• lunch in Orvieto with Bart
• many evenings at home with George
• family walks in the woods with Uncle Stan and Uncle Gene
• floating on the river
• enjoying friends

Separated at Birth

It occurred to me today that these two Washington, DC celebrities bear a striking resemblance.

On the left is NBC - WRC 4 Consumer reporter, Liz Crenshaw.

On the right is DC Police Chief Cathy Lanier.

Interesting.

The trouble with Facebook

Remember back when you were in high school and on a Monday you heard your friends talking about some party they went to over the weekend. You were left thinking, Hmmm, all my friends were at this party. Why wasn't I invited? Why didn't I hear about it?

Okay, maybe you were always at the parties.

Recently some friends have posted photos on Facebook of parties they have attended. I look at the photos and see a bunch of my friends and the hosts are friends yet I wasn't invited.

I have thick enough skin to not think that it is a personal slight. But it still sucks not being one of the cool people.

sigh...

I've got a crush on you

I recently completed a list on Facebook of 25 Random things and I mentioned that I still get crushes.

Crushes are great fun - it is tough on the emotions and all that - but there's a great feeling of being alive. There is intense delight at being around the object of the crush. And, there is such aching emptiness when he is not around.

Last week I ran into a friend whom I see on rare occasions. I had a serious crush on him a couple of years ago, but I wasn't really part of his circle of friends so my life went on and I didn't think about it much. Seeing him again brought all the emotion back in an instant. He truly makes me feel young - okay he makes really feel the age that I tend to think of myself. I'm 50 but generally think of myself as being around 25. That works until I'm around actual 25 year olds who call me Mister.

That being said - I have a couple other crushes. Some know who they are and some don't. Really it makes me happy to be around these friends and I am thrilled that I have such fun friends.

hugs!

Getting emotional

2009 started quietly enough. Okay - I was at a party and eating and drinking too much - but once I got sick I felt much, much better.

For the past two years I served as President of DC's Different Drummers and enjoyed that and felt I did a pretty good job. But I had no interest in being President-for-life and I chose not to run for a third term. Not a big problem the folks who would be taking over are capable and talented and they'll do things differently than I did.

What surprised me was the sense of loss I felt when I went to rehearsal the next night and knew that things were different. I was a band member and nothing more. I'll get over it I thought (and I will). At the end of the week an email went out to all band members and I realized that I had no input toward the content. Maybe this is why several of our past presidents have moved out of town.

But I don't want to do that - well, I don't want to move period. But I don't want to withdraw from my friends in the band. First I'd miss them and second they'd get along without me and that would be another hurt.

Fortunately there was much ado about the Obama Inauguration and participation in the parade by the Lesbian and Gay Band Association. So that kept me busy. Once that was over and my company left and I got caught up on rest and chores the sense of loss returned.

As my partner says - I need to get over it. But it is different.

Adding to that we have a couple of pieces in the Spring concert that are only being played by a subset of the band. I understand the reasons, but I also feel as though I am missing out on a musical challenge. In the past we have hacked, slogged and rehearsed our way through some difficult pieces. Sure we grumbled (I am a trombone player!) but we buckled down and worked on the music. As we got to performance if I couldn't play a phrase, I didn't. But each time I stretched as a musician and got better. Now I'm missing that opportunity.

So I'll make the best of it and all will be well soon.

This post isn't about getting others to feel sorry for me. Just sharing what I'm feeling in case anyone notices that I'm not my usual cheerful self.

more to say about marching in the parade.

In my last post I mentioned something that our Artistic Director said about military folks wishing us well. Here is his full account:

As you may recall, I got a little choked up trying to tell a story on
Tuesday morning, so here it is again for those who could not hear. When Kim and I were finished with our mandatory meeting on Monday evening, we were approached by a series of uniformed military personnel who wanted to shake our hands and wish us luck.

At first, I attributed this all to good relationship management
but it seemed that we were being approached by more folks than was strictly necessary for that, and I began to realize what these people were really saying to us.

And then, as we went to leave, one more young man chased us down the hallway so that he wouldn't miss his chance to shake our hands and wish us well.

There was an intensity to his well wishes that moved me past simple realization to a much deeper understanding of what our performance was going to mean for people who cannot live their lives as openly as I do in my protective bubble of San Francisco.