I've got a crush on you

I recently completed a list on Facebook of 25 Random things and I mentioned that I still get crushes.

Crushes are great fun - it is tough on the emotions and all that - but there's a great feeling of being alive. There is intense delight at being around the object of the crush. And, there is such aching emptiness when he is not around.

Last week I ran into a friend whom I see on rare occasions. I had a serious crush on him a couple of years ago, but I wasn't really part of his circle of friends so my life went on and I didn't think about it much. Seeing him again brought all the emotion back in an instant. He truly makes me feel young - okay he makes really feel the age that I tend to think of myself. I'm 50 but generally think of myself as being around 25. That works until I'm around actual 25 year olds who call me Mister.

That being said - I have a couple other crushes. Some know who they are and some don't. Really it makes me happy to be around these friends and I am thrilled that I have such fun friends.

hugs!

Getting emotional

2009 started quietly enough. Okay - I was at a party and eating and drinking too much - but once I got sick I felt much, much better.

For the past two years I served as President of DC's Different Drummers and enjoyed that and felt I did a pretty good job. But I had no interest in being President-for-life and I chose not to run for a third term. Not a big problem the folks who would be taking over are capable and talented and they'll do things differently than I did.

What surprised me was the sense of loss I felt when I went to rehearsal the next night and knew that things were different. I was a band member and nothing more. I'll get over it I thought (and I will). At the end of the week an email went out to all band members and I realized that I had no input toward the content. Maybe this is why several of our past presidents have moved out of town.

But I don't want to do that - well, I don't want to move period. But I don't want to withdraw from my friends in the band. First I'd miss them and second they'd get along without me and that would be another hurt.

Fortunately there was much ado about the Obama Inauguration and participation in the parade by the Lesbian and Gay Band Association. So that kept me busy. Once that was over and my company left and I got caught up on rest and chores the sense of loss returned.

As my partner says - I need to get over it. But it is different.

Adding to that we have a couple of pieces in the Spring concert that are only being played by a subset of the band. I understand the reasons, but I also feel as though I am missing out on a musical challenge. In the past we have hacked, slogged and rehearsed our way through some difficult pieces. Sure we grumbled (I am a trombone player!) but we buckled down and worked on the music. As we got to performance if I couldn't play a phrase, I didn't. But each time I stretched as a musician and got better. Now I'm missing that opportunity.

So I'll make the best of it and all will be well soon.

This post isn't about getting others to feel sorry for me. Just sharing what I'm feeling in case anyone notices that I'm not my usual cheerful self.

more to say about marching in the parade.

In my last post I mentioned something that our Artistic Director said about military folks wishing us well. Here is his full account:

As you may recall, I got a little choked up trying to tell a story on
Tuesday morning, so here it is again for those who could not hear. When Kim and I were finished with our mandatory meeting on Monday evening, we were approached by a series of uniformed military personnel who wanted to shake our hands and wish us luck.

At first, I attributed this all to good relationship management
but it seemed that we were being approached by more folks than was strictly necessary for that, and I began to realize what these people were really saying to us.

And then, as we went to leave, one more young man chased us down the hallway so that he wouldn't miss his chance to shake our hands and wish us well.

There was an intensity to his well wishes that moved me past simple realization to a much deeper understanding of what our performance was going to mean for people who cannot live their lives as openly as I do in my protective bubble of San Francisco.

Marching in the Big Parade

Greetings all,

It was such a big deal for the Lesbian and Gay Band Association (LGBA) Band to be part of the Inaugural parade yesterday. Most of the long day yesterday was spent sitting on buses, but we did get to march. Many things to share about it but here's the basics.

Two of the leaders of the group attended a tedious meeting on Monday afternoon to review parade procedures with the military folks who run the parade. After the meeting a number of the military folks came up to the two LGBA folks and thanked them (us) for being part of the parade. Our director said that he could tell they wanted to say more - but could not.

We pulled up to the Pentagon in four buses with a small, but visible sign (like every other bus), but ours read - Lesbian and Gay Band Association. We were the gay band and all the military folks around there knew it.

When we lined up at the Ellipse prior to stepping off and making our way up to start of the parade we warmed up and played our tunes, like every other band. Our leaders had chosen two Sousa marches, Beethoven's Ode to Joy, Brand New Day from The Wiz, and Hold on I'm Comin' But it was the high school band from New Hampshire that was playing Strike Up the Band and Over the Rainbow.

Several times along a mostly empty parade route the announcers echoed our name - "Marking their first appearance in an Inaugural parade, the Lesbian and Gay Band Association - a network of Gay and Lesbian concert and marching bands from across the country. The military folks who lined the parade route saluted the American flag we carried as well as the Pride flag that marched along side it.

When we got to the White House the drum majors gave three whistles, the drums rolled off and we played The Washington Post March by Sousa. President and Mrs. Obama were standing in the well-lit booth along with Vice President and Mrs. Biden. Because of the lighting they looked huge inside the reviewing stand. They clapped along with the music and smiled and waved.

We finished our song and kept going to get to our buses. There were many people along Pennsylvania Avenue that had waited to watch and hear, so we played for them and they cheered us on.

When we finally got back to our buses and put instruments away we started checking our phones. Almost everyone had phone calls and text messages from friends and family. We were seen all over the country on CSPAN, MSNBC, Fox, CNN and others.

While it was a personally moving moment - believe me - we marched for everyone of our Lesbian and Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer and Questioning brothers and sisters. And we had some of our straight friends marching with us too! Our ages ranged from 20 years old to 76 years old, we marched black, white, latina/o, asian of all varieties. It was a humble moment to represent all of us and to be seen and heard.

Here's a link to what was on C-Span - http://www.tippytopple.com/LGBA_Inauguration.mp4

Peace to all!

Simple pleasures

I knew that my down mood would pass. It is a little better. Simple things like a good night's sleep, the hug and support of a friend, the smile of a stranger, hearing another report on what a whack job a co-worker is - all work together to buoy my spirits.

As the Beatles tell us - It's getting better all the time --

Emotions are funny

One of the things I have learned over the years is that sometimes you feel a certain way and like Teri Garr in Tootsie - I'm going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore.

On Sunday I stepped down as president of the band I play in - DC's Different Drummers. I served for two years and it was a lot of fun - but it is time for other people to do that. What has surprised me is the sadness I feel at giving it up.

Life goes on and I'll get over it. But today - I'm sad.