Friday, August 14, 2009

A Fabulous Friday

Lawyer/Carroll/McBee home in Berkeley Springs, WV
Hi Folks - it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

A lovely day - a frabjous day even! Okay - not sure why I'm so profoundly happy today. Like Scrooge at the end of the book - I'm as giddy as a school boy.

In part - there's the anticipation of seeing family tomorrow for the big party at the Lawyer/Carroll/McBee homestead in Berkeley Springs, WV.

Last year after my mother passed away one of my cousins suggested having a big get-together before we sold the homestead to celebrate again the many years (114 or so?) that our family has lived there.

So tomorrow I'll gather with my sister and brothers and nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins and friends to toast the happy memories. Maybe we'll shed a tear - but mostly we'll enjoy the stories that we've grown up with.

Lots more going on too. It is official that in October my friend Diana's former pastor and his wife will travel to Iona Island in Scotland to scatter some of Diana's ashes. Diana passed away in March.

I used up all my frequent flyer miles to book my flights. I arrive in Glasgow on October 5 and will attempt to drive a car to Iona and stay there two nights. Then on my birthday I will take the train to London. It seemed like a good idea at the time - but I'll get to visit with a friend from band who lives there now. Then back to DC on Friday and a concert on Saturday. Good thing I'm taking the following week off.

That will be a somewhat solemn trip - but one that will help in many ways.

Hope you have a good weekend too!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Nostalgia - Back to school

Back to School - Crayons
On Sunday I was looking through the newspaper and the advertisements and saw the first push for the Back to School sales.

Years ago I realized how much I like Autumn - in part because my birthday is in October. I find that things begin in Autumn - my life began, school starts, concert band practices start up. All very good things. I love the colors and the cooler weather.

But I also miss the preparation for Fall and school. Shopping for new clothes. Buying new pencils, pens, notebook paper and a notebook. Everything was crisp and new and clean.

Sometimes in mid-August when I have been driving to visit family in West Virginia, I'd see cars packed to the roof as kids were heading off/back to college. I was envious - I miss it so much. You got to see your friends whom you didn't see over the summer and hear what folks did. There were new friends to meet and get to know. There was a new schedule and maybe new teachers.

These days the closest thing to that is getting back to Concert band after the summer break. I'll take that - First rehearsal is August 3.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Joy is my Strength and Friends are my Comfort

Joy of the Lord is my Strength

I was feeling a little down, but because I chose to take some positive action I am feeling better. And there has been some positive action. The boss is actually making a schedule for the Reference Desk. It isn't so much that I need to be on the Reference Desk - it is a matter of principle that I am included along with the other librarian on staff. And the book truck that was purchased solely to place in front of the window in my office to block my view of the entrance and to hide me from the view of patrons as they enter has been moved. So even less need to be on the Reference Desk - but again - the principle.

Not sure if we'll actually have a facilitation meeting, but that will only reflect badly on my boss. So far I'm getting something of what I want.

No other job prospects at the moment. I passed on one because the boss there is reportedly as bad as mine. The other job was one that was a bit beyond my interest.

And so much to be grateful for. Over the weekend I went with friends from the band to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to march in a parade and then on to Hershey Park. I had a wonderful time. Saw lots of friends - talked w/ my roomie Blake (who is a reader of this blog) and major time w/ fellow trombonist - Rob Heim.

I did go on one ride at Hershey Park and that was enough to confirm that I was not getting on the super-fast, upside down, 80-foot drop rides. Even though I think there's a really good cardiac unit at the closest hospital.

Sunday was spent napping and reading the paper. Last evening I met up with a new group of friends for a potluck dinner. Really nice group of people - really positive energy -- I needed that!!!

God is good!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

No happy dance - back to facilitation

frowny face Well - no happy dance at this time. I got official word that I wasn't selected for the job. I was sensing this, so last Friday I sat down and wrote up what was on my mind.

My continuing issues with my boss have deteriorated from a mild improvement. I was ignoring it because I was looking for another job. But now I have to face this mess. Maybe that's the real lesson here - to face this rather than leave.

This morning I sent off my missive to the boss and the facilitator. I'd post it here, but that would probably work against me. We'll see.

I remain an optimist and as the saying goes - Don't let the bastards get you down.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Friday update - still no dance

Gee - good thing I didn't prepare my acceptance speech or choreograph the happy dance.

A week ago there was still no decision so it is still possible. My challenge is to prepare for the worst. And I have done that. I have a plan. If nothing else, it will give me something to do.

Tomorrow is a big day - lots of friends and family in town to celebrate George's 50th Birthday. So that is the focus right now.

Have a good weekend. Be safe and be kind.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Advice from Oscar nominees

Oscar statuette

Years ago following the Academy Awards a nominee said that the reason winners don't usually have a prepared speech is because if you don't win - you have that speech rolling around in your head for the rest of the evening.

So I'm waiting for a phone call - hoping rather for a job offer, but I cannot let myself get too far ahead of myself. No happy dance until I get the call.

I wonder how chickens feel waiting for an egg to hatch?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

July 1st - thoughts on many things

4th sign of the Zodiac - Cancer the Crab
Wow - what a week!

The litany of celebrity deaths in the past week - Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, Gale Storm, Fred Travalena - did I miss anyone?

July 4th is around the corner - but before that I have July 3rd - my mom's birthday - she turned 83 last year while in the hospital. A year ago I was driving back and forth to Winchester a couple of times a week.

On the job front - my boss is still crazy and I think it is time for them to re-adjust her meds. I had a job interview almost two weeks ago and it was really good. So now I am trying to remain positive yet dispassionate. I want to keep the positive energy flowing - but I don't want to be too disappointed if I don't get it. The optimism is winning.

Dancing Snoopy

I have explained it to a couple of people as - staying optimistic but not choreographing the happy dance yet.

At home things are going apace. We will celebrate George's 50th birthday this month and we have invited his brothers and other friends and family - so we're working on getting things cleaned up and throwing things away. That's very exciting to me - I've been wanting to clear out some of the clutter. In part because we'll eventually get some more stuff from the family home - but some of that will be a place to put things.

I'll keep you posted.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Another rainy day

Caillebotte painting - Paris on a Rainy Day
Last night we drove home in the rain and during the night I awoke to the sound of rain falling. This morning I walked to the Metro in the rain and it has been raining all day. Sigh.

I really don't mind - I like the rain. Alas I think the ground is getting a bit water-logged. But it is supposed to clear up for the weekend and be sunny.

It has been a thoughtful week for me. Tuesday was the third anniversary of the death of my father. I wasn't devestated - but I do miss him.

Wednesday was a pretty good day - I was enthused to realize that I am a really good librarian. I continue to work under the stress of a boss who is truly certifiable and continues to avoid me - actually that is a good combination. A patron was in and went on at length about it. All I could do was nod and smile.

So life goes on - and things are looking better. It is still raining - but I love to walk in the rain. Look for me when it's stormy - I can't complain.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Crayon therapy

Parrot drawing by David - May 2, 2009
I did survive my vacation. I had a wonderful time in both San Francisco and Seattle as well as my brief visit to Portland, Oregon. I reconnected with several friends and made some new ones. I also ate a lot of good food and saw the sights in both cities.

On May 2nd as I made my trip back to the east coast - I had 2+ hour layover at O'Hare Airport. I almost said Chicago - but I was far from Chicago! So I looked for a restaurant that would allow me to sit down and relax with lunch. I even had a glass of wine.

This was a restaurant that has paper over the tablecloths and provides crayons. Not only am I presented with a blank canvas, I am given some colors - a very limited palette - to work with. And I have always found coloring to be a very therapeutic activity.

Just the smell of crayons will take me back to my childhood - when my life was simpler and involved lots more playtime than my adult life allows. I had forgotten how wonderful coloring is until several years ago I was on a work assignment in another city. I was there for two weeks. I had taken books to read etc. but that wasn't doing it for me. I was alone in the evenings and there wasn't much to do but watch television. So I walked to the nearby department store and bought a box of crayons and a coloring book. So each evening after dinner, I sat at the table in my room and watched television and colored.

Now I have a couple of coloring books and on occasion I will sit and color while I'm watching tv. it is very relaxing.

So back to the layover in O'Hare. My first drawing was of a village next to a lake. And then I drew the parrot above. I decided to keep that drawing and share it with others here.

If you are ever feeling overwhelmed with life - sit down with a box of crayons and a coloring book. Don't worry about coloring inside the lines. (Okay - I stay inside the lines - but not everyone needs to do that.) Color a few pictures - don't worry about where you start in the coloring book either. Find a picture that you want to color - one that says - this person is wearing a blue shirt and in no time at all you'll feel more relaxed.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I stole art from the SF Museum of Modern Art

Well - before the Feds come knocking at my door - what I really did was take a few photos of some artwork at the MOMA.

I got there just in time for a guided tour of the William Kentridge exhibition. He is a South African artist who is multi-talented. A friend told me that she had heard a definition of a genius as one who looks at things and imagines them for other purposes. In one of Mr. Kentridge's film works his coffee pot turns into a spaceship. He works with a lot of commonplace items that were in his studio.

The museum also has paintings by Klee, Mondrian, Miro, Braques and Picasso. I took photos of Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo paintings.

Diego Rivera painting The Flower Carrier
Diego Rivera painting The Flower Carrier

Frieda Kahlo self portrait with her husband Diego Rivera
Frieda Kahlo self portrait with her husband Diego Rivera
So I didn't really steal anything - and I paid admission and I bought a couple of things at the gift shop. So please, don't arrest me.

Surprises and disappointments

So much of our happiness in life depends upon our expectations. The Prom is really just a nice dance - but if you stress about making it the most important night of your life - well then you are setting yourself up for failure. A wedding day is hopefully not "the happiest day of a bride's life". And if it is, that is pretty sad.

So yesterday was a day of disappointments for me. Not that I had any big expectations about anything. But as I was leaving the house yesterday I realized that my sunglasses were no where to be found. So I began checking the guy from the SF Band who gave me a ride home. He found sunglasses in his car, but not mine. I wonder what that's about. So I called someone else who had given me a ride to the restaurant and I'm still waiting to hear from her. Today I stopped by the restaurant and they didn't have the glasses. Sigh...

So yesterday I met a new friend who works at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. He showed me a couple of very cool exhibits and told me about his work there. Very ineteresting.

After lunch I took off in search of a couple of Victorian homes that I had read about. My trek - and it was a trek - 20 blocks each direction - took me past the Cathedral of St. Mary of the Assumption. One friend had referred to it as St. Maytag's another called the Agitator. It is a monstrous concrete structure that looks like the agitator from a washing machine. So hideous that it didn't warrant any photos. Suprisingly the interior has an imposing grandeur and allows for some quiet reflection. But they could have accomplished that with a lot less concrete. But it has survived one earthquake so far.

So off I went and found two of the houses that I had read about - neither were open for tours - I missed one by 20 minutes. But I got some good photos.

Atherton House - 1990 California Street, San Francisco
Atherton House - 1990 California Street

Haas-Lilienthal House - 2007 Franklin Street, San Francisco
Haas-Lilienthal House - 2007 Franklin Street

The Atherton House is supposed to be haunted - I was hoping to find out if they were friendly spirits.

So minor disappointments that I wasn't able to tour either of the houses. But worse was my poor tired feet.

That evening I met up with fellow librarian Craig Cruz for a delicious dinner at Caffe Delle Stelle at the corner of Hayes and Gough Streets. Craig went off to hear the San Francisco Orchestra perform the Poulenc Organ Concerto. Another friend came by and gave me a ride home, taking me past the Painted Ladies of Nob Hill, through Japan Town, and then to the ocean and Cliff House.

So not a bad day after all.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

San Francisco - by the Bay

exterior photo of St. Francis Mission
Greetings all - I am in surprisingly hot San Francisco, California. I arrived on Sunday afternoon and have been playing tourist and generally having fun.

On Sunday after an early flight that took me to Dallas and then over some beautiful desert and the Grand Canyon, I arrived and made my way to my temporary home in SF. The shuttle driver had other people to drop off so I had a scenic tour of SF, including Lombard Street.

Once settled in the Sunset neighborhood - west of downtown, I rested and then ventured out to meet a friend for dinner and we walked around the Castro neighborhood.

After a good night's sleep, I took off on Monday morning for the Mission District to tour the St. Francis Mission and the Basilica. The interior is quite impressive in an understated way. interior of St. Francis mission

That was the end of my sightseeing on Monday - the rest of the day I hung out with some friends.

Tuesday was a full day of sightseeing. I walked the Golden Gate Bridge (1.7 miles across). Then, if that wasn't enough, after lunch I walked from Fort Mason all the way up Russian Hill, then down and then up Telegraph Hill to the Coit Tower. Believe me - it didn't look that far on the map - and the map doesn't indicate the scale of the hills. My feet are still sore!

So today is going to be another quiet day!! I also managed to get some sun - thank goodness I bought a hat otherwise my little bald head would be burned!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I'm a Hero

DC Metro Station interior Last Friday I was a hero. Okay - I didn't rescue a sea captain from pirates and I didn't rescue a baby from a burning building. I didn't even call 911 to report any number of crimes that were probably going on around the city.

I was a hero in the late 20th and early 21st Century sense of the word. Since we're all entitled to our 15 minutes or so of fame - heck if a psychotic woman can be famous for being Octo-Mom then I deserve fame for my heroic act, don't I?

Yet I didn't call a press conference to announce my act of heroism - I'm doing that here now on my blog. I figured I'd wait and let the rapture of Easter pale a little before taking the spotlight for myself.

My act of heroism? The noble deed that I did? I was walking into the Brookland Metro station and saw a cellphone lying on the ground. I picked it up and handed it to the Metro staff person in the kiosk. (I like the word kiosk.) I'm expecting Pat Collins from Channel 4 News to contact me soon for an on-air interview.

Speaking of Octo-Mom -- didn't Spiderman defeat her? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Homily at Diana's Funeral

I was looking around and the Holy Cross Brother, Robert Sevensky, OHC, who preached at my friend Diana's funeral on March 28, 2009, has posted the homily he gave.

It is a thoughtful homily, not a sentimental one. I was most touched by this observation.

Diana was indeed that. An integer. An entity. Complete. No matter how much or little you knew of Diana or about Diana, what you always got was… Diana.


It is worth the reading.

I'm a Libra Man

Libra graphic Last Saturday George and I went to see After the Garden. During the show, Little Edie talks about how she is looking for her Libra Man - her ideal lover. She even searched the audience looking for a Libra Man - I didn't raise my hand in time for her to see me. Whew!

Last night I was at Urban Outfitters in Gallery Place and I was looking through a horoscope book reading about Libra - my zodiac sign. Amongst the many flattering things that are written about Librans - we are truly wonderful - I read some uncomfortable truths.

One of those is that we need friends and fear being lonely. Okay, I deal with lonely pretty well - but that is part of the problem for us Librans - we cope well enough that we don't tell our friends that we need them. And I have been feeling particularly friendless lately.

Friendless isn't the right term - forgive the hyperbole. I just don't feel very well connected to my friends. And there's what I call the Facebook effect.

This morning on my walk from the Metro I was again thinking about my friends Jack and Lorraine Hall. They moved from Baltimore, Maryland to Berkeley Springs, West Virginia in the mid-1970s. I met them through a church choir. Jack and Lorraine were the same ages as my parents and they were lots of fun.

From the time I knew them I was spending many weekend evenings at their home. There was usually a big group of us - playing games - Jeopardy, Scrabble, etc. and laughing, singing and talking. It was never a big deal party - chips and sodas and cookies.

How does one do that? How do you make yourself open to friends so they want to come and visit? My family home was like that - people would just drop by. I talk with George about this - I want to have people over - but I want it informal - hanging out, playing the piano. Not something that requires three days of shopping and cooking.

Ah the irony - a couple of days ago my daily horoscope said that I should seek isolation. Good thing I don't believe in horoscopes!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

After the Garden - and the oddities of life in DC

After the Garden - Little Edie Bouvier

I won tickets to see After the Garden - based on the one-week performance by Edith Bovier Beale - Little Edie of Grey Gardens fame.

George and I had been to see Grey Gardens, the musical, at Studio Theatre a couple of months ago. It is a good play about an interesting mother and daughter - aunt and cousin of Jackie Kennedy Onassis.

The show was quite entertaining and was performed in a back room at Miss Pinky's 2nd hand furniture store on 14th Street, NW. For starters we ran into someone I know from the band. Secondly - we recognized the accompanist from another musical at Studio Theatre.

But the audience was almost as entertaining and surreal as Little Edie. The seating was all patio furniture (After the Garden...) and George and I seated ourselves on a wicker sofa. Moments before the play started a woman and a large man decided to join us by squeezing onto the sofa. The woman introduced herself and sort of apologized. "I've just come from working out, so I may not smell as fresh as roses."

And then a man, well into his 40's entered wearing jeans and v-neck undershirt. Definitely too old to be dressed like that. He seated himself in the front row and introduced himself to some other men who were seated there. Throughout the show he seemed to mimic the gestures of Little Edie. Maybe he was an understudy or somehow part of the show. Or maybe he had dropped acid before he came in. The show is set on New Year's Eve 1977.

And that was my dose of culture for the weekend.

DC is a small town - lest anyone think otherwise. Prior to the play George and I walked up 14th Street just to kill time before the play started. We ran into Steve Sears, a friend of mine from Library school. I love Steve and wish we did things together. But I enjoyed catching up with him. He had been with some friends up on U Street and was heading...somewhere.

On Sunday evening George and I had plans to meet up with Harry Stubbs, an acquaintance of mine from FDIC days and a friend of Diana Smith's. Anyway we had made plans to meet up and George suggested a Thai restaurant on Connecticut Avenue.

We met at the appointed time and turned around and there was Diana's cousin Pam Smith and her husband Miguel Harvey! In one sense we weren't surprised at all and I decided that this was really supposed to happen. They are a delightful couple and it was a great joy to run into them and share dinner.

Diana had to run a lot of coordination for that one - and thanks!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's day etc.

Diana - lay reader at St. Albans.  Photo by Pat Petrash
Hi friends. Gee several folks are actually reading this so I have to think a bit more carefully about what I write.

Thank heavens March is over! Though that lands us on April Fool's Day. According to Wikipedia the origin of this day lies in the change from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar or moving the first of the year or some such thing. I have an inkling it predates that.

On at least one occasion when Good Friday fell on April 1, my friend Diana and I both took it as spiritual sign - the Devil was fooled on Good Friday - seeing Christ on the Cross he was certain that Christ was a fool and that he, Satan, had won! But Easter Sunday proved him wrong. Death was fooled!

Diana enjoyed minor pranks. One year at the FDIC we went in the night before and set up several pranks - only one of which back-fired. We tied some chairs to tables, wrapped a desk in newspaper, strung paper clips together. Oh - and another time Diana made a mock-apple pie - using the recipe on the side of the Ritz Crackers box. Just Ritz crackers and sugar and water and no apples. edible and sweet - but kinda weird.

Diana was invited to dinner on April Fool's Day and brought dessert - a delicious-looking sponge cake. You guessed it. Much to the relief of her hosts' children there was a real cake in the car. We talked about dipping mushrooms in chocolate for people who loved chocolate truffles, but we both hate to waste food.

Now on to the etc. part:

As of today, the Washington Post has finally published Diana's obituary. The link should be good for a few weeks. It includes a photo provided by one of Diana's friends - Pat Petrash. I met Pat the evening before Diana died - again I'm glad that Diana has such wonderful friends. That is the picture posted here.

Finally - I have been thinking about a journey that Diana and I made to New York City in October, 1999 to see Dame Edna on the Royal Tour at the Booth Theatre. We took the bus up and stayed with friends and we had a grand time. Our tickets put us in the first row all the way to the side. But eventually Dame Edna engaged Diana in conversation as she did other members of the audience. At the end of the show the people that Dame Edna had been talking with were invited to take part in the show and Diana dutifully suffered through this and was rewarded with the photo here of herself with Dame Edna. A few years later I was able to get Dame Edna to autograph it for her after a performance in Washington, DC.

Diana with Dame Edna

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Remembering Diana

Here are the remarks I made at the reception following Diana's funeral last Saturday. I was asked to cover her career.

Most of Diana’s professional life was with the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation – the FDIC. She was working for the Distilled Spirits Lobby when she got a phone call to come for an interview, prompting her to swap clothes with a co-worker so she could wear a dress for the meeting.

Diana served first as a Reference Librarian and then as the Assistant Chief Librarian and eventually as Chief Librarian. I first met Diana in January 1986 when I interviewed for a job at the FDIC.

I remember sitting down in the office she shared with her colleague Len, both desks and the shelves around them piled high with papers and books and the myriad tomes that Libraries had before the advent of databases and the internet.

My job at the FDIC began on March 17 - St. Patrick's Day. The team was very nice and fun to work with. Diana was friendly, witty, and we got to know each other better.

In September of that year she was planning a trip to Scotland with her father. She had not traveled with him before, but they got along well. He was the source of her wry sense of humor. Since she was going to be gone for about three weeks Diana asked me to house/cat sit for her. I agreed.

While Diana and her father were in Scotland her father had a sudden heart attack and died. So she was tending to all of that with the help of nice associate vicar.
After Diana returned to DC and got settled again, she invited me to dinner to thank me for my help as a house-sitter.

While sitting on the couch in her 42nd Street condo and drinking a beer I said to Diana, "There's this really awful joke that keeps going through my head."

Diana poked her head out of the kitchen and arched an eyebrow and said, "Do tell."

"Other than that, what did you think of the play Mrs. Lincoln?"

Fortunately Diana laughed and that cemented our friendship.

Over the years, Diana took on many responsibilities. She helped by writing policy and supervising part of the staff. She managed the Library’s database system – blazing new trails for herself and the staff. She worked well with all the staff and treated everyone fairly. Throughout it all Diana maintained her good humor and friendly nature.

In time her supervisor and friend Carole Cleland retired and Diana became the Chief Librarian. She continued to run things smoothly and let her staff do their jobs with the confidence that she would back them up.

Diana saw many changes at the agency in her 25 years there. She began working at a time when the FDIC was a quiet little agency through the build-up of staff during the thrift crisis of the late 1980’s. Following that she worked through years of down-sizing at the agency.

Diana worked with many people throughout the agency. She had many friends at all levels. She served as an advisor to the FDIC News – a staff monthly. Diana was an award-winning photographer as well.

For many years Diana was active at St. Alban’s Parish with the Grate Patrol – preparing meals for DC’s homeless a couple of times a month. At one point the FDIC recognized Diana for her community involvement. Diana told me how one evening she was on her way home when a homeless man asked her for some change. Diana directed him to McPherson Square where the van would be handing out meals to the hungry. The man muttered, “That food is rotten and it has roaches in it.”

Diana roused herself and said, “I’ll have you know that I cooked the food that is being served tonight and it is certainly not rotten, nor does it have roaches!”

At a time when the Library staff was threatened with outsourcing Diana led the offensive to defend the value of her staff - backing that up with research, statistics and written recommendations from patrons. Much to the consternation of her own bosses there was a lot of pressure brought to keep and support the library staff.

Diana took every advantage to educate her bosses at the FDIC of the scope and nature of library work. It was important to her that others recognized the value of the knowledge and skills of her staff and how the agency benefited from their dedication.

One of the reasons that Diana was such a pleasant co-worker is that she never took herself too seriously. While some people decorate their offices with their diplomas and awards – Diana displayed some of her own photographs, a Dewar’s Scotch ad, a Dame Edna poster, and her Sunday School graduation certificate.

Diana enjoyed her colleagues on the Library staff at the FDIC and regarded them as an extended family. She was our supervisor or boss, but also our big sister. She was approachable. She was willing to spot us $5 till payday on occasion. The library had a tradition of holding its own holiday party and inviting the staff to bring along children and grandchildren. She endured games of Monsters in the Library - children being chased to the sounds or roars (from the monsters) and screams and laughter from the children. She regarded her friend’s children much as her own nieces and nephews.

Diana was supportive of the staff when they were going through personal difficulties or illness. She was always a compassionate colleague, supervisor and friend. This is how I think most of us will remember her.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Celebrating Diana

Entrance to St. Alban's Church, Washington, DC
This past Saturday, March 28 - family and friends gathered at St. Alban's Episcopal Parish to remember, mourn, pray for and celebrate our wonderful friend Diana.

It was a perfect day for a funeral - very British weather - a good day for hats, raincoats, brollies and the like. My partner George and I found parking and entered the church. So many friends - Nancy Williams, Pat Petrash, Liz Callison, Harry Stubbs, Vivian Comer and her sons Ellis and Owen. Many more FDIC folks - Len, Dee, Alicia, Ellin, Reg and Daphne, Kathleen, Carole and George Cleland, Erika Teal and husband Jim, Roberta and Bill, Jim Marino and Pam McDonough, Dr. Ed Barrese Noreen Lewis, Caryl Austrian and I know I didn't see everyone.

There were other friends from different parts of Diana's life - Pete and Astrid, Philip Wong-Cross, Rick and Elmer. Diana's cousins - Jim Smith (on her father's side) and Chris (on their mothers' side).

We all gathered beneath the crossbeams of St. Albans as the organ rolled and the choir and clergy arrived. It was all very proper and Anglican - and a real celebration of the promise of the Gospel.

Diana had asked the choir to sing several George Herbert poems set to music by Ralph Vaughn Williams. These songs were interspersed throughout the service along with the rituals from the Book of Common Prayer and audience participation, i.e. hymn-singing.

The George Herbert poem that best sums things up is The Call


Come, my Way, my Truth, my Life :
Such a Way, as gives us breath :
Such a Truth, as ends all strife :
And such a Life, as killeth death.

Come, my Light, my Feast, my Strength :
Such a Light, as shows a feast :
Such a Feast, as mends in length :
Such a Strength, as makes his guest.

Come, my Joy, my Love, my Heart :
Such a Joy, as none can move :
Such a Love, as none can part :
Such a Heart, as joyes in love.


The works of George Herbert can be found online.

Following the funeral there was procession to the columbarium on the north side of St. Albans where Diana's ashes and those of her mother Dorothy were columburied. Outdoors, Diana's cousin Chris found me and we said hello and met her daughter Liz. I didn't think to mention just how much she looks like her cousin Diana. Anyway Chris whispered - What happened to Iona and the Isle of Wight? I responded, I don't know. I'll have to ask.

So then into the Guild Hall for perhaps the grandest post-funeral reception I have been to. We were greeted with the happy sound of champagne corks popping. Appropriately, tea was being served in one location along with myriad little sandwiches and desserts. Elsewhere a table was spread with bowls of delicious strawberries, platters of cheeses and a seemingly bottomless bowl of shrimp. This was certainly Diana's kind of party!

Eventually people began to share their remembrances of Diana. I will post mine eventually, even though there is some repetition of what I have mentioned below.

It sort of all came back to a comment in the homily by Brother Robert Sevinsky, OHC. I paraphrase,

Diana had integrity, that is, she was an integer. She mattered. And while I realised that I didn't know everything about Diana's history, I knew Diana. And I know that perhaps none of us knew everything about her, still we all knew the same person. It was the same person of Diana whom we met at church, at work or on pilgrimage.


I will attempt to get a copy of his full homily.

One last thing - for now - when we entered Guild Hall, we were presented with copies of A Spiritual Miscellany - Tuesday Morning Homilies at St. Alban's Church by Diana Smith. These were produced by the help of members of St. Alban's Tuesday morning Eucharist community and members of the Friends of St. Benedict. I haven't read them all, but I was drawn to one - titled Valedictory written May 6, 2008, after visiting England for the last time.

Ascension Day has come and gone; I am not, as the disciples were, distraught, nor do I much care about the theology behind this major feast day. For once in my life I know I can't think my way out of this one. I'm sticking with abiding, with tending the flame.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Tracking my friend Diana online

Interesting exercise.

I am searching the Internet for mentions of my friend Diana.

I have found a couple of mentions from her parish's online bulletin. One, a talk she gave in November 2006 about her piligrimage to the Holy Land and her remark on the moment of shared rationality and faith while at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem she knelt to put her hand on the star that marks the spot where Christ was born.

Another mentions that the Lectionary and Sacramentary that she donated in memory of her mother Dorothy were blessed.

Next I found her appeal to fellow Anglicans back in 2005 as she was looking for friends of St. Benedict worldwide.

Then I found this wry self-introduction:

Smith, Diana submitted April 2002

With pint of Old Peculier in hand, I'll step up to intro myself:

My name is Diana Smith. I live in Washington DC and attend St Alban's Parish, in the shadow of the Washington National Cathedral. Such proximity has led to many happy listmeets with cyberfriends from all over...and I'm delighted to see some of you in the pub. (I note that there is no dart board in the pub....!). I first found Anglican cyberfriends when I joined the Anglican List, then hosted by American University's computers, sometime maybe in 1995 or 94?

Born and raised in Austintascious, I'm a cradle Episcopalian who wandered off during the 60s and came back in the (not red) front door in 1985, swearing I wouldn't be involved in parish life. As I finish a 3-year term on vestry, I am the first to admit the power of God's grace in my life!

I'm owned by a 7 year old cat named Scamp, who lives up to his name. At the present time, I'm the Library Mistress for the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, which insures bank deposits. Pretty dry for someone who majored in British History! However, I've been offered a buyout and an "early out", ie, take the annunity and run, so I am engaged in serious vocational discernment.

My interests are reading and travel, esp to Great Britain and Ireland.

Although I'm very likely to lurk, I'm equally happy to be here!


Update - I found this today (April 9) on a Google Group - soc.culture.scottish

Hey folks--just want to commemorate the passing of one of my very good friends; we had met some time back when I first started working in Washington, and she was one of the few who truly understood my love of things Scottish--a devoted Angophile in the midst of the capital of the Murkins, she was seen to be a bit squirrel-cage also, a bit off center--but aren't most librarians and extreme bibliophiles?--but, despite the fact she had more teapots than the Mad Hatter, she was warm and supportive and a good friend to have around. She will be missed. Peace to her memory--JML, who will hoist some Earl Grey in her honor]

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Living through change



The past year has been pretty challenging.

A year ago I was serving as the president of DC's Different Drummers and we were going through the process of saying good bye to our director of 10 years, Scott Barker, and selecting a new director - Joe Bello.

At work I was enduring a great deal of unpleasantness including false accusations and other insanity.

My mother became ill and died and within the past week a wonderful friend who was in good health a year ago passed away.

So like everyone else who is still alive and breathing, I'm left to sort through it all and keep going.

Band - we have a new president who is doing an excellent job. It is actually kinda fun to see the differences in her approach from mine as well as renewed enthusiasm. I take some pride in my accomplishments that puts us on the road we are now and I'm happy to see others stepping up to do that work.

Work - things finally came to a head back in December and the situation is much better. The current challenge for me is to get over the resentments that have built up over the past year. Though I don't think I should assume that it couldn't happen again.

My family - my siblings and I have moved into changed relationships without our parents around. That too is interesting. My nieces and nephews are becoming adults and being responsible. And we are working to settle the estate. Anyone want to buy a house in West Virginia?

Diana - for now there's some hand-holding and messages with other friends of Diana. In a week or so we'll have her funeral. A priest friend agreed to tend to scattering Diana's ashes (and those of her late mother). If I can I'll go on that trip to England. Also I have asked if my band could perform a medley of tunes from The Music Man. It is Diana's favorite musical and it features a librarian as a lead character. That will be in the fall and will allow me some closure.

I'll make it through all this change. With a little help from my friends!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Rest in Peace - Diana Smith - 1950-2009


I got word that my friend Diana passed away in the wee small hours of Saturday morning, March 14. She was 58 1/2 years old.

God and others were good and I had a chance to stop by and see her after work. She was at home, in bed, her tabby cat Oscar sitting with her in bed. When I walked in and greeted Diana she opened her eyes and I take some comfort that she knew I was there and I was able to make my good-byes.

As one friend said - if God has a complaint department he figures that our friend was there in line on Saturday. Yes - we all know we'll eventually do this, but Diana should have had another 20 years or so. Maybe that's what Purgatory is - standing in line at the complaint desk until you realize you can just let it go and enter heaven and see God as He truly is. What blinding light!

The photo here is one I took on our one joint trip to England. We first went to Canterbury, then up into East Anglia and the villages of Woolpit, Ely, Walsingham and Norwich. This photo is at one of the Norman churches in East Anglia. My title for this has always been - Yoo-hoo, Vicar!.

We will miss you and look forward to joining you some day. Much love, thanks and appreciation.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

More thoughts about Diana

My dear friend Diana is leaving.

I have heard from a couple of friends that she has slipped into a coma (for lack of anything more comfortable to wear). There are a whole bunch of people who will be on the other side to bid her welcome and I pray I get there someday!

Despite being such a shy person, Diana has quite the circle of friends. She would steel herself to get up and address groups, though she didn't seem to fear reading at church or conducting services at the Washington Home. She even organized and presented a class at the Smithsonian on Tea Customs and the Tea Trade.

But Diana enjoyed smaller gatherings - she loved to have people over to dinner. I stuffed myself on many delicious Easter Sunday dinners at her table. Eating off her grandmother's china and leaving her father (the dishwasher) to clean up. The dishwasher and kitchen renovations were paid for by her inheritance following her father's death. See earlier post.

Sometimes Diana would endure parties. On a few occasions she would invite me to attend a party with her so she would have someone to talk to.

Do you remember how when we were young our parents would be going to a party and we wanted to go? A party is games, and cake and ice cream - who wouldn't want to go to a party? And my parents would respond, "It's not that kind of a party. You wouldn't have any fun."

Well, once I went to a party with Diana and I recalled my parents' comment. I wish I had asked them and stayed at home. The party was perfectly nice, the hosts were convivial, there was good food and copious amounts of wine. And there were lots of people, and had it not been for Diana's company I would have feigned illness and left.

Another occasion was a Halloween party. I'm not at my best for costume parties. Despite being a creative person, I have trouble coming up with costumes that I actually like. Or I have an idea that I am not able to bring to pass. But in 1991 I was ready. I had lots of advance warning on the invitation and I had been thinking of my costume. I actually made part of it. I would be Cardinal Richilieu - I needed something that would work with a beard.

So Diana and I were going together and she liked my idea. But what could her costume be that would tie into mine? She went to a local costume shop and started wandering around and got a bit of Pilgrim and a red feather for her hat. Her characterization gelled in her mind. She was a Musketeer - the daughter of Porthos. She was Pathos.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Saying good bye to a friend

I started working in Washington, DC in March, 1985. I had a job at Arena Stage. Later that year I moved in with my godmother who worked for the Dept. of Defense. She steered me to work in the government and I have always been thankful for her guidance.

My first job in the government was at the FDIC Library. I interviewed the morning that the space shuttle Challenger exploded (though I only learned of that later in the day.) So I am always reminded of that date - January 28, 1986. That day I interviewed with Diana Smith who was the Assistant Chief Librarian at the time.

I remember sitting down in the office she shared with her colleague Len, both desks and the shelves around them piled high with papers and books and the myriad reference tomes that Libraries had before the advent of databases and the internet.

I wore a Harris Tweed jacket that had belonged to my father - I wish I knew what I ever did with that - and because it was winter - I was wearing boots. I so loved showing up for an interview carrying a winter coat and wearing boots. Thank goodness librarians are used to odd people!

My job at the FDIC began on March 17 - St. Patrick's Day. The team was very nice and fun to work with. Diana was friendly, witty, and we got to know each other better.

In September of that year she was planning a trip to Scotland with her father. She had not traveled with him before, but they got along well. He was the source of her wry sense of humor. Since she was going to be gone for about three weeks Diana asked me to house/cat sit for her. I agreed.

While Diana and her father were in Scotland her father had a sudden heart attack and died. So she was tending to all of that with the help of nice associate vicar. She got her father's remains cremated and then flew directly to Texas.

After Diana returned to DC and got settled again, she invited me to dinner to thank me for my help as a house-sitter. (By this time I had moved on to a job at a different agency.)

While sitting on the couch in her 42nd Street condo and drinking a beer I said to Diana, "There's this really awful joke that keeps going through my head."

Diana poked her head out of the kitchen and arched an eyebrow, "Do tell."

"Other than that, what did you think of the play Mrs. Lincoln?"

Diana smiled and laughed. She said that she had to remind herself that she and her father had enjoyed a wonderful week together in Scotland. Her father's doctor had said that he was in poor health and on borrowed time, but he was looking forward to the trip with her.

Diana was a great Anglophile and made regular trips to Great Britain. On one occasion I went with her and we visited Canterbury, and the East Anglia towns of Woolpit, Walsingham and Norwich. We had a marvelous time together and managed not to get on each others nerves - more a testament to her I think.

Over the years I have learned much from Diana and enjoyed many fun cultural and spiritual activities. We went to concerts, movies and plays together. We went to many wonderful restaurants. We got to know each others' families and enjoyed each others' company.

I learned about English tea from Diana and helped her with the classes she taught on "How to have a proper English Tea." We also discussed how to eject people from one's home after English Tea is over.

Diana also gave wonderful example of what it means to be a Christian. She was prayerful and scholarly in her approach to the Bible and liturgy. But she also worked for several years with her parish of St. Alban's preparing food for the homeless and on occasion helping to distribute the food. She helped her parish with all manner of spiritual, liturgical and community events.

And at some point she discovered - or was brought to - the Benedictine monks at Holy Cross Abbey in New York. The monks and the rule of St. Benedict gave a new direction to her travels to the UK and to her own spirituality.

And, as a good Christian should be, Diana has always been hopeful, generous, and loving. One Sunday afternoon she took me to the National Cathedral for the annual "Kirking of the Tartan". The day that the Cathedral becomes a Presbyterian church. A bagpipe band processed in followed by several venerable Scotsmen who later presented their equally venerable tartans to be blessed. (From the looks of them I think they had been blessed about 100 times!) Following a dreadful sermon Diana turned to me with a puzzled expression. "He never mentioned once that God actually loves any of us."

And Diana has always enjoyed a wonderful sense of humor. Her father and my father shared a sense of humor. They never met on this side of Heaven, but I hope that they have made friends by now.

Diana held an elegant dinner that became uproarious when someone took down the book of limericks that was on her shelf! She got complaints from the management at the Westchester one night when a party of Anglican friends went wild with hymn singing. And I was with Diana at the Booth Theatre in New York City when Dame Edna called her onto the stage.

Diana has been ill with cancer for less than a year and she won't be around much longer. It is hard to say good bye - but she has been a part of my life for almost 23 years and I expect her to stay a part of my life.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thinking about friends

This morning I got news that a wonderful man I used to work with passed away following some treatment for cancer of the throat.

Larry was a graphic designer at my old agency. He was a quiet man who went about his life and work without ever ruffling anyone's feathers. He was a good friend to many and he was very kind. He was also a good designer. He did some design work for an event for the band I played in.

Larry was gay, and he was quiet about that too.

And I'm thinking about my friend Diana whom I have known for about 23 years. She has cancer in her liver and elsewhere and is now in hospice care. I don't expect her to be around much longer.

Tell your friends how much you love them - now, today!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Profound moments in life




The other day I was thinking about the special moments in my life. I was on my way to work and had been thinking about my dear friend Diana who is quite ill with cancer and I don't know how much longer she'll be around.


We had talked about our vicarious families - the children of friends and colleagues. Diana is an only child so she doesn't have the benefit of nieces and nephews as I do.

But I thought how some people put their wedding as the greatest day of their lives, or the births of children. I don't have that but I have accomplished a few significant moments - graduations, investiture as a Knight of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem.

The most profound moments have been the quiet ones. Like Elijah on the mountaintop - God came in a gentle whisper. For me many of those moments included music. A non-exhaustive list in no particular order:

  • holding each of my newborn nieces and nephews
  • some moments of prayer
  • the Sanctus in the Mozart Requiem
  • singing Handel's Messiah
  • singing the Mahler 8th Symphony
  • performing Ticheli's American Elegy with the Capitol Pride Symphonic Band
  • the CPSB trip to Concord, New Hampshire
  • a weekend at the Ciskanik summer home in Pennsylvania
  • summer-rep theatre at WVU
  • the moment as the curtain opened in Oliver! - a show I stage managed my senior year
  • baking cookies with Nana
  • listening to Ma tell family stories
  • sitting atop a mountain in Germany
  • standing near the Grotto in Lourdes
  • lunch in Orvieto with Bart
  • many evenings at home with George
  • family walks in the woods with Uncle Stan and Uncle Gene
  • floating on the river
  • enjoying friends

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Separated at Birth


It occurred to me today that these two Washington, DC celebrities bear a striking resemblance.

On the left is NBC - WRC 4 Consumer reporter, Liz Crenshaw.

On the right is DC Police Chief Cathy Lanier.

Interesting.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The trouble with Facebook

Remember back when you were in high school and on a Monday you heard your friends talking about some party they went to over the weekend. You were left thinking, Hmmm, all my friends were at this party. Why wasn't I invited? Why didn't I hear about it?

Okay, maybe you were always at the parties.

Recently some friends have posted photos on Facebook of parties they have attended. I look at the photos and see a bunch of my friends and the hosts are friends yet I wasn't invited.

I have thick enough skin to not think that it is a personal slight. But it still sucks not being one of the cool people.

sigh...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I've got a crush on you



I recently completed a list on Facebook of 25 Random things and I mentioned that I still get crushes.

Crushes are great fun - it is tough on the emotions and all that - but there's a great feeling of being alive. There is intense delight at being around the object of the crush. And, there is such aching emptiness when he is not around.

Last week I ran into a friend whom I see on rare occasions. I had a serious crush on him a couple of years ago, but I wasn't really part of his circle of friends so my life went on and I didn't think about it much. Seeing him again brought all the emotion back in an instant. He truly makes me feel young - okay he makes really feel the age that I tend to think of myself. I'm 50 but generally think of myself as being around 25. That works until I'm around actual 25 year olds who call me Mister.

That being said - I have a couple other crushes. Some know who they are and some don't. Really it makes me happy to be around these friends and I am thrilled that I have such fun friends.

hugs!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Getting emotional


2009 started quietly enough. Okay - I was at a party and eating and drinking too much - but once I got sick I felt much, much better.

For the past two years I served as President of DC's Different Drummers and enjoyed that and felt I did a pretty good job. But I had no interest in being President-for-life and I chose not to run for a third term. Not a big problem the folks who would be taking over are capable and talented and they'll do things differently than I did.

What surprised me was the sense of loss I felt when I went to rehearsal the next night and knew that things were different. I was a band member and nothing more. I'll get over it I thought (and I will). At the end of the week an email went out to all band members and I realized that I had no input toward the content. Maybe this is why several of our past presidents have moved out of town.

But I don't want to do that - well, I don't want to move period. But I don't want to withdraw from my friends in the band. First I'd miss them and second they'd get along without me and that would be another hurt.

Fortunately there was much ado about the Obama Inauguration and participation in the parade by the Lesbian and Gay Band Association. So that kept me busy. Once that was over and my company left and I got caught up on rest and chores the sense of loss returned.

As my partner says - I need to get over it. But it is different.

Adding to that we have a couple of pieces in the Spring concert that are only being played by a subset of the band. I understand the reasons, but I also feel as though I am missing out on a musical challenge. In the past we have hacked, slogged and rehearsed our way through some difficult pieces. Sure we grumbled (I am a trombone player!) but we buckled down and worked on the music. As we got to performance if I couldn't play a phrase, I didn't. But each time I stretched as a musician and got better. Now I'm missing that opportunity.

So I'll make the best of it and all will be well soon.

This post isn't about getting others to feel sorry for me. Just sharing what I'm feeling in case anyone notices that I'm not my usual cheerful self.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

more to say about marching in the parade.

In my last post I mentioned something that our Artistic Director said about military folks wishing us well. Here is his full account:

As you may recall, I got a little choked up trying to tell a story on
Tuesday morning, so here it is again for those who could not hear. When Kim and I were finished with our mandatory meeting on Monday evening, we were approached by a series of uniformed military personnel who wanted to shake our hands and wish us luck.

At first, I attributed this all to good relationship management
but it seemed that we were being approached by more folks than was strictly necessary for that, and I began to realize what these people were really saying to us.

And then, as we went to leave, one more young man chased us down the hallway so that he wouldn't miss his chance to shake our hands and wish us well.

There was an intensity to his well wishes that moved me past simple realization to a much deeper understanding of what our performance was going to mean for people who cannot live their lives as openly as I do in my protective bubble of San Francisco.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Marching in the Big Parade

Greetings all,

It was such a big deal for the Lesbian and Gay Band Association (LGBA) Band to be part of the Inaugural parade yesterday. Most of the long day yesterday was spent sitting on buses, but we did get to march. Many things to share about it but here's the basics.

Two of the leaders of the group attended a tedious meeting on Monday afternoon to review parade procedures with the military folks who run the parade. After the meeting a number of the military folks came up to the two LGBA folks and thanked them (us) for being part of the parade. Our director said that he could tell they wanted to say more - but could not.

We pulled up to the Pentagon in four buses with a small, but visible sign (like every other bus), but ours read - Lesbian and Gay Band Association. We were the gay band and all the military folks around there knew it.

When we lined up at the Ellipse prior to stepping off and making our way up to start of the parade we warmed up and played our tunes, like every other band. Our leaders had chosen two Sousa marches, Beethoven's Ode to Joy, Brand New Day from The Wiz, and Hold on I'm Comin' But it was the high school band from New Hampshire that was playing Strike Up the Band and Over the Rainbow.

Several times along a mostly empty parade route the announcers echoed our name - "Marking their first appearance in an Inaugural parade, the Lesbian and Gay Band Association - a network of Gay and Lesbian concert and marching bands from across the country. The military folks who lined the parade route saluted the American flag we carried as well as the Pride flag that marched along side it.

When we got to the White House the drum majors gave three whistles, the drums rolled off and we played The Washington Post March by Sousa. President and Mrs. Obama were standing in the well-lit booth along with Vice President and Mrs. Biden. Because of the lighting they looked huge inside the reviewing stand. They clapped along with the music and smiled and waved.

We finished our song and kept going to get to our buses. There were many people along Pennsylvania Avenue that had waited to watch and hear, so we played for them and they cheered us on.

When we finally got back to our buses and put instruments away we started checking our phones. Almost everyone had phone calls and text messages from friends and family. We were seen all over the country on CSPAN, MSNBC, Fox, CNN and others.

While it was a personally moving moment - believe me - we marched for everyone of our Lesbian and Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer and Questioning brothers and sisters. And we had some of our straight friends marching with us too! Our ages ranged from 20 years old to 76 years old, we marched black, white, latina/o, asian of all varieties. It was a humble moment to represent all of us and to be seen and heard.

Here's a link to what was on C-Span - http://www.tippytopple.com/LGBA_Inauguration.mp4

Peace to all!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Simple pleasures

I knew that my down mood would pass. It is a little better. Simple things like a good night's sleep, the hug and support of a friend, the smile of a stranger, hearing another report on what a whack job a co-worker is - all work together to buoy my spirits.

As the Beatles tell us - It's getting better all the time --

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Emotions are funny

One of the things I have learned over the years is that sometimes you feel a certain way and like Teri Garr in Tootsie - I'm going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore.

On Sunday I stepped down as president of the band I play in - DC's Different Drummers. I served for two years and it was a lot of fun - but it is time for other people to do that. What has surprised me is the sadness I feel at giving it up.

Life goes on and I'll get over it. But today - I'm sad.